It hit me yesterday around noon....a deep, deep sadness for which I had no clear understanding. I'd finished with my only client of the day at 10 am. It was a beautiful day outside. I had a plan to take the day to myself for writing outdoors. But there was that feeling and it was so overwhelming I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself. I was on the verge of tears! At first, I wanted to assign it a label ~ for instance, "I am sad because...." but I've learned as an intuitive empath, this feeling can be coming from anywhere. For many years (even after I learned not to assign a label), I would've pushed on with my day because that's what warrioresses do!!!
Maybe. Maybe not.
I don't know if it's the many lessons learned or just that I'm older and kinder to myself, but these days I accept that sometimes there are "sad girl days" and it's okay to give permission for the feelings to visit and pass right through me by taking a PAUSE.
I set aside the writing, the phone calls and the expectations of the day and did nothing "productive" in the capitalist definition of the word. Instead, I picked my favorite cheeses, crackers, and chocolates and found a cozy spot on the couch with the windows wide open so I could hear the birds and feel the breeze. I found one of my favorite comfort TV programs from the 60s I've watched a hundred times. I nibbled and napped, knowing all the parts of the show I dozed through. No need to rewind.
At dark, I sat on the patio surrounded by all my lovely, flourishing plants whose leaves waved at me in the gentle wind. I sat until my favorite two deer came and went for their nightly visit. Until the sadness had mostly passed. I took deep breaths and I reminded myself I was okay. If you read this far, please remember we are "feeling beings" and it's definitely okay to feel all the feelings. The collective is in chaotic unrest right now. You will feel it. Learning to be kind and gentle to yourself and to allow yourself a pause without guilt IS okay.
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