She said "I wasn't really sure you would follow through"... and I appreciated her loving candidness, especially since she wasn't wrong. And because she knows me well.
Honestly, I wasn't sure either.
She was referring to my recent decision to hire a life coach for myself. To be clear, it isn't because I didn't WANT to have a coach....in fact, quite the opposite. There will always be change. Adaptations can be uncomfortably hard work ...and yes, painful at times. You know that quote "healing isn't linear"? It's so true! As a human having a human experience, we will be faced many times with needing help to sort things out, even circling back to what we thought we'd successfully handled. It's important to recognize that support is a necessary part of the journey. As a life coach, I know that NONE of us have it all figured out .....and coaches need coaches too!!
So why did she think I wouldn't follow through? Well, vulnerably speaking, one of the things I am still working on is overcoming financial shame and learning to transmute that into allowing for financial abundance and personal reward. Young Me received the message that I did not deserve nice things if they cost money....even if they were basic necessities. This was further reinforced as a single mom with two kids always living on the financial edge, constantly in fear of failing to provide. Those years of personally doing without just to make sure my children had what they needed further hardwired the message that if there was a dollar available, anything else should come before me.
Later I began to refer to this as the $1 shampoo issue, wherein I would entertain the $24 bottle of shampoo and I might even put the $8 bottle in the grocery basket and wheel it around for a few aisles but, inevitably, I'd circle back around and replace it with the $1 shampoo.... every time. It also meant that if I purchased the $8 shampoo in a weak moment and then was short on paying a bill, the voice of the inner critic would torture me for putting myself first when purchasing that shampoo. I admit that's a voice that's been so hard to overcome.
Owning I am deserving has been challenging for me, so making the decision to enter into a six month contract for coaching services was both empowering and scary. Just as my friend suspected, I spent a whole week wondering what on earth I was thinking, spending money on myself like that! I battled the voice that told me it was such a selfish thing to do when there were so many other things that required my financial attention. My inner coach reminded me that I am worthy of receiving and that I should fully embrace this bold move forward, proud of my decision to invest in myself.
I am only two sessions into my coaching and already I am reaping the benefits! I am overcoming old messages and filling in the gaps where I needed more confidence on my path. And I am proud of myself for putting ME first!
I share this experience with you because I know how hard it is to devote time, energy and money into something just for you. But I also ask you... is it really just for you? Dedicating time for personal growth emotionally, spiritually, and mentally allows us to see life through a new lens and opens doors to new opportunities, but it also generates positive energy and influence on all those that you touch in your daily lives. I've said it before and I'll say it again... it's the butterfly effect. When in doubt I'm here to remind you, you can do brave things! And you are 100% worth it.
The Autumn Weekend Retreat provides a safe environment for learning more about allowing for self love, addressing topics such as the inner critic vs. inner coach, growth mindset and self-compassion in a small
group setting. Ready for change? Please join us!
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